1. I asked my doctor if I should quit smoking.
He said, “Why start now?”
2. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
4. I have a photographic memory,
but I always forget to take the lens cap off.
5. I used to play piano by ear,
but now I use my hands.
6. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
7. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down.
8. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
He made a mint.
9. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
10. What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.