1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
2. I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you!”
3. My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward.
4. I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought to myself,
“That’s the last thing I need!”
5. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough,
so I decided to knead a new career.
6. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
7. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
8. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
9. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
10. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey,
but then I turned myself around.