1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
2. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
3. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
4. Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
5. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
6. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they’d be a chicken sedan.
7. Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
8. Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
9. I used to play piano by ear,
but now I use my hands.
10. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.