1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
2. I’m not arguing,
I’m just explaining why I’m right.
3. I thought I wanted a career,
turns out I just wanted a paycheck.
4. I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables,
and when I get home I discover they’re just regular donuts.
5. I’m not lazy,
I’m just in energy-saving mode.
6. I used to play piano by ear,
but now I use my hands.
7. I’m not arguing,
I’m just passionately expressing my opinion.
8. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there,
he said he couldn’t complain.
9. I was going to tell a joke about pizza,
but it was a little cheesy.
10. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.