1. Why did the scarecrow win an award during quarantine?
Because he was outstanding in his field… all by himself!
2. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes during quarantine.
She gave me a hug.
3. Quarantine has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
4. Quarantine Day 1: I’m going to use this time to learn a new language! Quarantine Day 10: I’ve officially mastered “Netflix and chill” in 12 languages.
5. Remember when we used to cough to cover up a fart?
Now we fart to cover up a cough. Thanks, quarantine!
6. Quarantine day 50: I’ve started naming the dust bunnies.
They’re now my quarantine buddies.
7. If someone sneezes during quarantine, do we say
“bless you” or “get away from me, you monster!”?
8. I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a six-foot pole”
would become national policy, yet here we are. Thanks, quarantine!
9. Quarantine has made me realize why dogs get so excited about something
as simple as going for a walk. It’s the highlight of our day!
1o. Quarantine has taught me that my true talents lie in finding
creative ways to avoid doing laundry.